


the other side of paradise

by prohibitionspiderman



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: "isn't this a bit over the top?" you say, M/M, based on a prompt from a friend, i raise you the response of "loki would be this dramatic", in all honestly this is literally just loki being dramatic, they're trying their best ok, two dumbasses being conflicted about their feelings for 7 pages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22313731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prohibitionspiderman/pseuds/prohibitionspiderman
Summary: Loki overhears a conversation between Stephen and Wong that he greatly misinterprets. This causes hell for everyone involved.
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Comments: 9
Kudos: 118





	the other side of paradise

**Author's Note:**

> so my bro blake [@make_or_blake] gave me this prompt to work from and i was like "you know what? loki WOULD be this dramatic" and ran with it and now this exists

Sometimes, Loki still finds himself surprised at the fact that walking into the Sanctum is as simple as… well, walking into the Sanctum. Rather than pushing him away, the ancient wards welcome him and mingle with his magic in a way that’s almost pleasant.

His visits to the Sanctum are never aimless (as much as he’d like them to be; there’s an old, old magic here the makes him feel at home, reminds him of Asgard) and today’s visit comes as a result of his own curiosity – the other day, Thor had made a comment on the similarity of his technique for inter-planetary portals to that of Midgardians. At first, Loki had been offended, but then the practicality had kicked in; could Midgardian magic be somehow related to Asgardian magic? And as simple as that, he’d found himself occupied with the concept of mingling both types together. With a bit of luck, one of the books at the library would have some information on the topic. And visiting the Sanctum meant that, more likely than not, he would run into Stephen. Which was absolutely not the main purpose of his visits.

Of course, Loki was not raised without manners (that’s one thing Odin had going for him), so it’s clear that simply wandering into the library and making off with his choice of books without asking anyone would be impolite. So naturally, he called ahead to ask permission (a rare show of respect) and found himself surprised when Stephen invited him to a cup of tea with him and Wong. Stephen’s been doing a lot of things like that recently, he’s noticed; finding excuses to get him to stick around the Sanctum, offering him invites to some activity with Wong only for Wong to mysteriously disappear halfway through on most occasions. At this point, Loki’s starting to wonder if he should be expecting an assassination attempt.

It’s not hard to guess where Stephen and Wong must be; they knew when he was coming, and Loki’s been to the Sanctum enough times to know where the kitchen is. So he wanders up the stairway with an air of nonchalance, hands clasped gently behind his back. It’s a short walk from there to the kitchen, and Loki smiles slightly when he hears Stephen’s voice drifting through the walls. However, once he starts to catch the words, that smile fades away.

“It’s just… he’s so _frustrating_ sometimes.”

Loki pauses at the threshold of the doorway, a tense uncertainty brewing in his mind. For a moment he considers just entering anyway, but curiosity wins over and he pulls away, stepping aside to make sure he’s out of view.

“Who?” Wong’s voice sounds distracted, like he’s not quite listening.

Stephen makes an annoyed sound as if he expects him to already know. “Loki.”

And Loki’s heart stutters in his chest. For a moment, the thought crosses his mind that he should just leave before this goes any further, pretend he never heard anything, but with an irritated shake of his head he pushes that thought away.

“What is it now?” Wong sounds more focused now, and the rustling of papers makes Loki think he must have put down whatever he was working on.

“He’s so…” A pause. “ _Oblivious._ It’s like he doesn’t hear a word I say.”

“Maybe you’re just not being clear enough.” Loki blinks at Wong’s response. “You’re not exactly the most open person, Stephen.”

“I don’t know how much clearer I could be!” Stephen sounds frustrated now. “I’m sending him every hint in the book but he just… won’t pick it up.”

“Talk to him.” Wong’s voice is matter of fact. “This dancing around each other will get you nowhere. Just speak to him and tell him how you feel.”

Another pause. And then Stephen’s voice, almost stunned. “Are you fucking kidding me? Wong, you know how he is. If I try and confront him he’ll only run. Besides, how do you tell someone that anyway?”

“Just be honest.” Wong, ever calm as usual, continues speaking. “You know how you feel. You only need to tell him.”

Stephen makes a frustrated noise. “Sometimes I really hate him.”

And Loki disappears on the spot.

()()()

Stephen buries his face in his hands with a frustrated groan. “Sometimes I really hate him.”

“No, you don’t,” says Wong, ever calm, and Stephen thinks that might be even more annoying than today’s current Loki Dilemma. “You hate your own insecurity that keeps you from being honest with him.”

Stephen peers at him through his fingers. “Can you ever give me advice without lacing it with an insult?”

Wong shrugs. “It is true.” Apparently finished with the conversation, he gets up and turns to the bookshelves. Stephen, however, will not accept this.

“So you think I should… _talk_ to him?” He watches as Wong picks through the books until he finds the one he’s looking for. “Yeah, and how could you imagine that going? ‘ _Hi Loki, I’m hopelessly in love with you, please don’t freak out because we all know you can’t handle emotions._ ’ He’d probably stab me.”

“Then be more concise.” Wong opens his book, flipping almost aimlessly through the pages. “Besides, what is a little stabbing between friends?”

Stephen contemplates just when, exactly, his life became _this_. “I’m going to choose to ignore that.” Rising to his feet, he continues, “Wong, this is _Loki_. He’ll assume the worst no matter what I say.”

“Then convince him he is wrong,” Wong says easily, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You act like your words will have no effect on him, but it’s clear that he has unshakeable trust in you. If you would only get your head out of your ass, you could make him listen.”

“Thanks,” Stephen says drily.

“You expect much from him.” Wong puts down his book and turns to face him, a serious look in his eyes. “You say you know Loki and yet you forget just how damaged he is. To him, the signs you’re sending him may not be as clear as you think.”

“I don’t think I could be more clear if I punched him in his perfect face,” Stephen mutters. He rubs at his eyes. “You know what? Fine. I’ll take your advice. At least I’ll have someone to blame when I end up in the ER with a knife in my side.”

Wong only smiles. “Talk to him,” he says again, before picking up his book and leaving the room with an air of calm that only Wong could achieve.

Stephen frowns, finding himself more frustrated by Wong’s words than anything, but in the end he decides that the advice is sound. Maybe Loki will stab him, maybe he won’t – Stephen won’t know until he tries. So he sits down to wait for Loki and tries to prepare for a conversation that will probably be more emotionally exhausting than any other.

But Loki never shows.

()()()

“Your sorcerer friend is looking for you.”

“Is that so,” Loki drawls, adamantly refusing to turn to look at Thor.

“He seemed worried.” Thor scrunches his face. “Are you avoiding him?”

Loki bristles. “Is that any of your business?”

“I suppose not.” There’s a moment of quiet, and then, “Still, I thought you might like to know.”

“Tell him not to worry,” Loki says after a moment. “I would not have him _looking_ for me again.”

“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Thor says, only to silence immediately when Loki turns to glare at him. “… I assume you are not on speaking terms.”

“No,” Loki says, not at all bitterly. “We are not.”

“Shame.” Thor sounds genuinely sad. “He seemed a good friend to you.”

“Yes, well.” Loki turns back to the ocean, the raging waves seeming to echo the unease in his mind. “It seems it is not up to me.”

He regrets the words the instant they’re out of his mouth, as Thor turns to gaze curiously at him. “Is that so?” When Loki does not answer, he continues, “If he has mistreated you-”

Loki laughs roughly. “Not to worry. I don’t need you to defend my honour, Thor.” He blinks, suddenly tired. “It is as simple as this; I overestimated my welcome. Nothing more.”

Thor studies him for a long moment, and Loki makes sure to keep his face impassive. “Well,” Thor says finally. “He did seem worried.”

Bitterly, Loki mutters, “I’m sure he did.”

Thor watches him for a moment longer, before he turns quietly to begin the walk back to New Asgard. Loki doesn’t follow him.

The news that Stephen has been looking for him is surprising; Loki would have thought he would have taken advantage of his absence rather than attempting to push this farce further. Stephen’s dedication to whatever kind of game he’s playing is impressive, even if Loki can’t quite manage to appreciate that right now. Distantly, a part of him wonders if he somehow misunderstood the conversation at the Sanctum, somehow found himself on the wrong foot, but he pushes that thought away as quickly as it appears. Better to pull away than to invest in false hope.

Whatever game Stephen Strange is playing, Loki will not be a part of it.

()()()

“Loki is avoiding me.”

Wong sounds ever-tired in his response. “And this is my problem how?”

Stephen blinks. “It’s not. But how could you miss an opportunity to insult me in the pretence of giving advice?”

Wong sighs. Pushing his book aside, he looks up at Stephen. “When did you last speak to him?”

“You know he never showed up to pick up those books he wanted.” Stephen sits down across from him. “I haven’t seen him since.”

Wong seems to consider his words for a moment. “Have you spoken to his brother?” he asks finally.

“Thor says he’s been around New Asgard.” Stephen drums his fingers on the table unconsciously. “It’s me he’s avoiding.”

“And you’re sure of that?” Wong says drily.

“I don’t know!” Stephen snaps, exasperated. “I don’t know what to think. I was going to talk to him like you said, and then all of a sudden he wants nothing to do with me.”

“Loki is complicated,” Wong says evenly. “Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding.”

With a frustrated noise, Stephen rests his head on his arms. “With Loki there’s always a misunderstanding,” he mutters, voice muffled.

“Then fix it.” Wong sounds unsympathetic. “Talk to him.”

“He won’t _let_ me,” Stephen responds in a rough voice.

“And you accept that so easily?” Wong asks. “Only a few weeks ago you were ready to tell Loki how you feel, yet you give up so easily now? I’m disappointed in you, Stephen.”

Stephen hums. “Aren’t we all.”

“Stop that,” Wong says irritably. “Rather than dwelling in your self-pity, why not put your energy into finding him? I can’t imagine Loki avoiding you without reason. Prove to him that whatever he thinks, he is wrong.”

“If I push him then I’ll only give him more reason to stay away,” Stephen says, finally lifting his head. “No, I think it’s better to let him come to me.”

Wong raises an eyebrow. “And if he doesn’t?”

That gives Stephen pause. “Then I suppose he’s made his choice.”

And if Wong frowns at him in a way that makes his chest clench, well. It’s not hard to make himself ignore that.

()()()

Thor bursting into his room without warning isn’t an uncommon occurrence. Less so these days, what with his brother trying to do more to respect his boundaries, but often enough that Loki can’t say it is uncommon. So when Thor bursts into his room this time, he doesn’t even look up from his book. “Yes?”

He only begins to feel unnerved when Thor doesn’t immediately speak. He looks up from his book only to see his brother nervously working his jaw, obviously trying to figure out how to say whatever is on his mind. Ignoring the slight uncertainty rising in his chest, Loki says, “What is it?”

Thor watches him for a moment longer. “Your sorcerer friend,” he says finally. “He got into some… trouble.”

Loki’s heart clenches. “Yes?” he repeats, trying to sound impassive.

It’s another moment before Thor speaks. “He is gravely injured. Wong fears he may not survive the night.”

Panic sparks at him in an instant, but Loki pushes it away fiercely. “Wong is unnecessarily concerned. Stephen will be fine.” He doesn’t mean to say his name, but he finds that speaking it eases that spark of panic in his chest ever so slightly.

“Wong is a smart man,” Thor counters, and Loki turns to glare at him, his heart pounding in his chest. “You might do well to take him seriously.”

Loki pauses for a moment. “Leave me,” he commands finally, and finds himself almost surprised when Thor, after a moment of clear indecision, actually does leave, closing the door gently behind him. Loki rises to his feet and begins to pace, anxious energy vibrating through him. Despite his stark avoidance of the sorcerer, worry for Stephen is beginning to tug at him more ferociously than he’d like. Even if Stephen truly hates him, Loki can’t bear to think of him injured, or worse. It only takes a moment for him to decide that, no matter what is happening between them, he has to make sure Stephen is okay. So, with a deep breath, he pulls himself together and steps through space to emerge in front of the London Sanctum.

It doesn’t look any different than it did the last time Loki saw it. Clearly, whatever trouble happened, it did not happen here. Heart pounding in his throat, Loki forces himself forward and pushes the doors open. “Wong?” he calls out cautiously.

He’s met with an ominous silence. Quietly, he lets the doors close behind him, and steps into the hall until the darkness in the room seems to somewhat abate. As usual, the wards welcome him, nestling around him in a way that numbs the panic hanging over him.

“Nice of you to show up.”

Loki will deny until the end of time that he jumped at the sudden voice. Spinning around, he spots the unmistakeable shape of Stephen, hovering at the top of the stairwell with the help of the ever faithful Cloak of Levitation. Loki begins to wonder if that assassination attempt he’s been expecting since day one is about to take place.

Without further ado, Stephen floats down the stairs and whatever worry Loki was feeling is instantly replaced by frustration at the dramatic bastard. “Stephen,” he says smoothly.

Stephen, by now having landed on the Sanctum’s floor, simply raises his eyebrows and doesn’t speak. Loki finds himself lost for words. “Thor said you were… hurt,” he says finally.

“Well, as you can see,” Stephen spreads out his arms as indication, “I’m fine. So you can either tell me what you’re doing here, or you can go back to ignoring me. Whatever works for you.”

Loki blinks. “I wasn’t-” he begins to say, before realising that would be an utter lie. “I was _avoiding_ you. There is a difference.”

“Right,” Stephen says drily. “Are you ever going to explain why, or are you just going to leave me to figure out whatever the fuck I apparently did wrong?”

Loki flares up in defence. “I should think you’re already well aware.”

Stephen just looks at him as if his words were incomprehensible. “Clearly not,” he snaps.

Sudden, bitter anger biting at him, Loki finds himself speaking harshly and quickly. “Why don’t you think back,” he says, “to that conversation with Wong?”

For the first time, something like confusion flickers at Stephen’s expression. “What?”

“I’m sure you know what I mean.” Loki latches onto this brief confusion, his own anger making him want to hit Stephen where it hurts. “After all, it was all about me.”

When Stephen still looks confused, Loki throws his head back in frustration. “Remember those books I wanted,” he prompts, “on Midgardian magic?”

The rate at which Stephen pales would probably be funny if Loki wasn’t so heartbroken. “I- you _heard_ that?”

“Oh yes.” Loki bares his teeth, in something not quite a smile. “ _Every word_.”

Stephen looks conflicted for a moment longer, before he suddenly controls his expression. “So, what then? Have you come to mock me?”

“Mock you?” Loki can’t help but say, genuinely surprised. “Why would I- was it not you who was mocking me by making me think I was welcome?”

Stephen blinks. “Loki, you _are_ welcome. Wong, for all his complaints, enjoys your company, and don’t tell me you’re so fickle that any unwelcome emotion prevents you from spending time with others.”

“I do not particularly appreciate being kept around as an object of ridicule,” Loki snaps back, eyes narrowing.

“ _Object of ridicule_?” Stephen sounds infinitely frustrated, and Loki is beginning to lose his footing in this conversation. “Loki, you’re not- _why_ would that- _how_ in the multiverse can you come to that conclusion?”

Panic sparking at his mind, Loki stalks up to him until they’re practically nose to nose, hissing his words with emphasis. “ _You_ said as much!” He barely controls a hysterical laugh. “I am doing nothing more than building off of your own words.”

Stephen’s face creases with frustration. “Loki, what the _fuck_ are you talking about?”

Abruptly, the anger fades, and Loki slumps, suddenly feeling incredibly and incomprehensibly tired. “Why do you persist in trying at this,” he says blankly. “Why not simply admit that you’d rather not have me around, and leave it at that? Do you pity me that much?” Stephen only blinks. “You said it yourself,” he says in a tired voice. “’How do you tell someone that?’ Well, Doctor, you can rest easy knowing that you never had to tell me. I am already aware that you hate me. Please, do me a favour by not extending this farce any further. You are under no obligation to make room for me.”

Stephen stares at him for a long moment. “Oh, Loki,” he says finally, in a strange voice. “You complete and utter fool.”

Loki bristles. “I don’t think I-” he begins to say, but he’s cut off by Stephen grabbing the front of his shirt and tugging him forward into a bruising kiss.

In an instant, Loki runs through a rush of emotions. The first is panic, because what the _Hel_ is happening, _why_ is Stephen kissing him, and the second is a sort of numb shock because Stephen is _kissing_ him and it’s not like he’s been hopelessly in love with him for months now or anything and then there’s an all-encompassing yet indescribable emotion of _fuck it_ and Loki cups his face and kisses him back because no matter what the Hel is going on, kissing Stephen Strange was never high on his list of things he thought he’d ever get to do and whatever the circumstances he’s going to appreciate the chance, damn it. Frankly, he’s more surprised that in the time it’s taken for him to semi-organise his thoughts Stephen is still kissing him, just as strongly as when he first pulled them together, one of his hands trading the fabric of Loki’s shirt for a gentle brush against his cheek.

“What,” he breathes when Stephen finally (all too soon) pulls away. It takes all his self-control not to lean forward and kiss him again.

“You stupid fucking idiot,” Stephen says breathlessly, and distantly Loki thinks he should probably be offended but he’s too busy feeling stunned over whatever the fuck is happening. “I wasn’t- I never said I _hated_ you. I was trying to ask Wong how to tell you I _loved_ you.”

Loki blinks, wondering distantly whether this is some obscure scheme at his expense. “I- you _what_?”

“You didn’t hear everything at all, did you?” Funnily enough, Stephen sounds more giddy at this conclusion than anything else. “You only heard part of it and thought that was all you needed to hear. Loki, you _idiot_.”

More out of habit than anything, Loki bristles. “In my defence I think you were quite clear,” he snaps. Stephen just laughs again. If he’s honest, Loki is too busy going over the fact that Stephen apparently _loves_ him to really respond in any substantial way.

“You paranoid- Loki, you are _unbelievable_!” Despite his words, Stephen is grinning widely. “You should have- why didn’t you just _walk in_? Why didn’t you try and _talk_ to me?”

Loki huffs. “It seemed… unnecessary.”

“You idiot,” Stephen says again, and Loki narrows his eyes. “I’m sorry, you’re not- it’s just, this is _ridiculous_.” Loki goes to pull away, and Stephen tugs him back almost desperately. “Please don’t go, I’m sorry, I just- you have to see irony of this, right?”

Loki purses his lips. “I suppose,” he says drily.

Stephen takes a step back and runs his hands down his face, before seeming to compose himself. “Look,” he says finally. “Obviously I don’t hate you. I think even you can figure that one out.” Loki starts to speak, but Stephen cuts him off with a raised finger. “Let me finish. We’re only in this mess because you decided you’d heard everything.” Suitably chastised, Loki closes his mouth. “I think it’s pretty clear how I feel about you now.” He shrugs in a way that’s clearly meant to be unaffected. “Whatever you do now, it’s entirely up to you. You can go back to ignoring me, or we can talk about this and maybe get somewhere because I don’t know how it works on Asgard, but here you generally don’t kiss someone back if you aren’t interested.” Stephen levels him with a steady gaze. “So?”

Loki scans him apprehensively. It feels natural to still be on edge with this whole situation, even with Stephen's confirmation that his interpretation... wasn't quite right. But, as usual, something pushes him to trust Stephen. There's an honesty in his eyes that Loki doesn't think he could fake.

“Okay,” he says. “Let's talk.”


End file.
